December 17, 2011
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listen
I was staring out the window this morning at the micro snowflakes. The cold is getting to me. Deep. Perhaps because of this:
Yea, I’ve probably shared this one before. Because I love it. But today it is has special significance. Maybe not the whole song, but the title for sure. Because I’ve been hiding out here in the land where I feel people listen to me and avoiding the land where I feel they don’t. I like being heard.
Unfortunately, I’ve also been heard in the real world. I’ve been skipping things I’ve theoretically wanted to do or things I need to do this whole week, because I’m in a weird place. Some things no big deal. Some very much a big deal.
Thoughtless deeds can never be undone.
I didn’t go to work yesterday.. again. I’ve been sick twice since Thanksgiving. So I lied and said I was sick again. Maybe it wasn’t a lie, I’m just not physically sick. And I think I probably wasn’t replaced which is a bad thing for the classroom of people I say I love. I can’t help being irritated that I wasn’t replaced on Wednesday when I was doing them a favor by subbing for the art teacher. I know the secretary was irritated with me yesterday. I’m pretty sure the teacher I work with was too, because she didn’t email me back. And I know the kids missed me. But I just couldn’t.
I also wasn’t home when my best friend in the real world, the one I’ve been neglecting- I mean friend, came over. We had a plan. I have no memory of this plan whatsoever. None. And I need to see her. And she needs to see me. It frightens me that I don’t remember and that I’m not caring for her.
Thoughtless words can never be undone either.
I said something to someone very special. I didn’t think before I said it. I didn’t mean it in the way I said it. I didn’t mean to say it all.
So. I’m being heard all right. I’m being heard loud and clear. Just not the things I purposefully say.
I’m going out into the real world today. I’m going to sing with the choir I blew off. I’m going to visit the friend I forgot. I’m going to bond with my loud family and do the things they want to do. I’m even going to do laundry.
I think I’ll be quiet, but present. (except for choir)
It’s time for me to listen.
Comments (42)
I think everyone knows this feeling. I am actually sick though, so I get a pass. Good luck and have a good day in the real world.
May you find yourself surprisingly welcomed and loved in the real world, may it nourish you as you nourish it.
it’s a good thing when one can be at peace in the middle of noise and activity.
I have brought some nasty bugs home with me from school. Looks like you have something else going on though. Beautiful song.
I think we’ve all been there, when a sudden awareness of what is going on hits us. As great as this place is for listening to you and encouraging you, real life is where we live. If we could take the best of this place and carry it with us, we’d all probably be better off. I hope the day goes well. Quiet, but present. It’s what I feel here right now.
@ordinarybutloud - @gayXianmom - @plantinthewindow - @homealivein45 - @songoftheheart -
thank you. i lasted 3 hours. so far. i’m going back out. wish me luck.
that last line…I think everyone needs to do more listening.
How did your day go (so far)?
We do understand how you feel, so we listen to you. Thank you for all the times you listen to us!
HUGS!
@AdamsWomanFell - you know what? my christmas tree is out in the living room. it’s nice to enjoy it.
@godfatherofgreenbay - pretty much the hardest thing we ever do. so much noise in the world. (distractions from what is important)
*yawn* ~~ i’ve been sleeping a bit and reading all day. not listening or talking. kind of nice.
That song is sad or it starts sad anyway and I turned it off because I’m too thoughful tonight already. How was your journey out into the world today?
I know the feeling. Only my song for it is Sarah McLachlan’s “Full of Grace”.
@be_the_rain - didn’t i answer you? i swear i did. @drawmafreezone - oh, it’s sad all right. great day. super day! most excellent day in the real world.
@onestepcloserto_perfection - i’ll check that out. although i probably do know it.
@promisesunshine - It’s excellent.
@promisesunshine - So happy to hear that
@onestepcloserto_perfection - ahhhhh. she’s one of a kind. it is very fine. thanks for passing it along.
@drawmafreezone - it’s good. it’s all good. and thanks.
@ordinarybutloud - you feeling better?
@drawmafreezone - thoughtful. are you ok?
@promisesunshine - um, answer me? about what? like i said, i’ve been asleep. “giggle”
@be_the_rain - where is my mind? i said something about reading. a book by gregg olsen. going to see if i can finish it now. way good.
@promisesunshine - I’m well, I’ll never be ok
there are days when i just could not go into work. i was not physically sick but i just could not handle the day. some call it a mental health day. i would call it an “aa” day for attitude adjustment
@promisesunshine - went to a party. Drank some wine. Made insufferable chit chat with a woman wearing black leggings with animal print fur cuffs and 4 inch platform pumps (cute outfit, really, if she hadn’t been so annoying). So yeah, and no.
@ordinarybutloud - that’s way more out in the real world than i ventured. and i can’t even do chitchat. what is it about holiday parties that brings out the platform pumps? spouse’s work party was filled to the brim with middle-aged women in hooker dresses and metallic platform pumps.
I hope your day goes well out in the real world today. Nice tune…
@vexations - thanks. the real world was just fine.
I like this song. Her voice reminds me a little of Kate Bush.
Yep. I think you nailed it here. I’m pretty determined to be more present IRL after the New Year. Or even before.
@distractedbyzombies - seems like i can do both maybe. bet you can too. and maybe in here is real too. in its own way.
i’ll have to listen to some kate bush. but glad you liked my depressing festive song.
@promisesunshine - Check out This Woman’s Work or Wuthering Heights. Two of her more well known songs.
Yeah, some things are pretty real here from time to time.
@distractedbyzombies - yea, i think so. thanks for the rec, btw. ‘kay, so i like this woman’s work very much. wuthering heights is like my least favorite book ever, so couldn’t get past that. i’m so limited.
try this song: yea, that paul stanley. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUZ06oTrpFU
@promisesunshine - Glad you liked it. Been thinking OBL needs to hear that one, too. Seems apropos to her blog.
I can’t get the link to open. : Got another one?
@distractedbyzombies -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8VKG7VV6bA&feature=related
@promisesunshine - Huh, Paul Stanley. Very nice.
Be strong and courageous! This is an important time of year to be present, so I wish you well in that endeavor.
@lanney - i’m doing much better. it’s a good thing, though, because i have a hundred bazillion things i should be doing.
our actions that humble us, i never cease doing them
@longshadow618 - does that mean you keep screwing up? or that simple things are most important?
@promisesunshine - im thinking both, one brings about the other and viceyvercy
@longshadow618 - i manage to keep myself pretty darn humble.
@promisesunshine - im forced to, this much greatness must be contained
@longshadow618 - well, yes. of course.