This is rant.  Run away if you’d like to.

Background info:  There is a midweek (Tuesday as a matter of fact. imagine that) program at my church which includes choir for kids.  I’ve been helping with choir since Spawn was first eligible- 1st grade.  As she is now in 10th grade, that makes this my 10th year.  Every spring we do a musical. Traditionally this musical is for 1st through 8th grade and a lot of the years I’ve been involved it’s been quite a production.  Acting, singing (of course), costumes, sets. Just a big deal.  And the middle school kids basically carried the show with the extra stuff and the solos and what have you. 

I’ve heard a speech every year around this time from our choir director, designed to encourage cooperation from the younger kids.  The speech goes something like this “your behavior now is your audition for roles in the musical”.  Or something like that.  I recognize this speech as utter bullshit.  I have from the beginning because I’ve watched the kids who don’t behave get special treatment.  Frankly, it has pissed me off on more than one occasion. 

It has made me livid on two occasions.

The first was when Spawn was in 8th grade.  That girl gave me plenty of trouble through the years, but she was always cooperative in choir.  I was with her in choir for 1st through 5th grade and heard for the other 3 years that this stayed true.  She has a wonderful singing voice.  She was excited for her 8th grade year and so was I.  Because her 8 years of “auditioning” meant that she should have had a good part in the musical- if not a lead.  That year our minister was leaving and instead of a regular musical, we did a retrospective of songs from musicals over the years.  My daughter had a solo.  That’s it.  It took me some time to get over that, I can tell you.  It was fine in the end.  Awesome kid that she is, no one would guess she had any disappointment at all.

I heard the speech again today.  I was not actually in the room at the time he said it.  Which is probably a good thing.  Because LLO is in 6th grade and therefore paid her 5 years of dues to have a role in the musical.  (While she wasn’t always cooperative in choir, that doesn’t matter really, apparently.)  Well.  This year, the middle schoolers aren’t in the musical at all.  The end.  They are doing something else entirely.

Of course I will get over it.  But today I can’t help feeling like both of my kids got screwed. 

And now I’m going to watch some more Dr. Who and continue knitting my scarf. (And try not to freeze solid.)

I have a headache hangover and nothing much to say. 

I didn’t do anything I was supposed to do this weekend.  Eventually I will be sorry about that, but not today.  I went out and played games.  Laughter cures headaches.  Just so you know.

Anyhow.  I painted this here thing and I’m sheepishly going to share it.  ’cause I got nothing else.

I had three goals for this week, and I’ve already failed on two of them.  The third one is to post every day.  So I’m a little desperate. 

#winsh 10. Write 12 haiku about running water.

chill in summer’s heat
gentle creek sounds fill the air
children laugh and splash

a waterfall sings
a song of conquering rocks
by going around

yonder river says
my banks submit to my will
dreaming of spring thaw

waves crest far away
the deep water hides dolphins
dreams of the ocean

feet planted in sand
tide tickles toes soft surround
sunk deeper- ready

turn the faucet on
tub fills with steam and bubbles
relax and be free

another foggy
morning- crawl in the shower
yay! now I’m awake!

sink full of dishes
water eases tired hands
you’re soaking in it

a boat on the lake
oars interrupt the silence
sending waves to shore

green murky water
my girls playing at the dam
can’t get me in there!

sweet water drips soft
into a warm day puddle
refreshes the earth

sun forces its will
on the stubborn snowy ground
a melted river

Ha.  I can count and I can put words together. 

#winsh

11. Sew an accessory or garment. 8 pts

Another project from my stash of felted wool with a penny rug-ish kinda deal to it.  While I made these bad boys I watched the BBC version of “Pride and Prejudice” (yes, the 6 hour one), a rather interesting Johnny Depp flick “Dead Man”, and several episodes of Dr. Who.  An eclectic assortment of viewing pleasure, if I say so myself.

For bonus points, I have attempted to incorporate  winsh 28. Create a piece in which your state flower is thematically central. 4 pts.  That would be Mountain Laurel, the state flower of Pennsylvania. Because I say it is.  See?  Mountain Laurel grows pretty wild and free in the mountains near where I live.  It’s quite beautiful in the spring and early summer.  It has the same kind of leaves as a rhododendron.

Finally going to celebrate Christmas with my p’s this weekend.  Good thing we waited until now, because these slippers are my mother’s gift.  LLO asked me if I’d make her a pair.  I can’t feel my fingers.  She’s going to have to wait a little while.  She wants purple.  Of course.

I read Hitchhiker’s Guide for the first time.  Laughed myself silly.  And I have reacquainted myself with the reasons I used to like reading Stephen King.  Unfortunately the book is a freaking doorstop.  I prefer my books a little more portable.

Okey dokey. That’s my life in a nutshell.

# winsh 2. Write a poem entitled “Dog Bite”. 3pts

puncture deep in the seat of the problem
massive storm cloud reveals a
demon inside spewing the savagery
that can only happen on a day
when nice is only a color
and hope is a flammable twig
that burns up fast and smelly
so much barking about what is deserved
and how your rights are bigger than mine
and what you say is more important
and taking one for the team.
the team is a pain in my ass.

I had a dream last night that told me I was angry.  So I stayed good and angry all day long.  I’m angry about a lot of things, some of them are even real.  Some fun things I considered today in my fit of temper: 1) my Christmas tree was a fire hazard and could have been very entertaining for a little while had I lit it rather than taking it to the curb. 2) it’s a good thing we don’t have any equipment that goes “boom” because I had a powerful need for target practice today. 3) it is so darn annoying that I have to juggle other people’s crap when I need a nap. 4) some times certain words are more attractive than other times.

ps. i know it’s garbage.

also known as not really oven mitts.  I ran out of inclination to fix ‘em.

#winsh 45. A piece of art using textiles. 7 pts

I have a weird thing for felting wool.  I happened to have these fabrics in my basement.  (’cause I have pretty much everything in my basement)  Some lady I hardly know from church found out I sew and she asked if I wanted her stuff.  I never say no.  No matter how long the stuff is going to sit in my basement after I pick it up.  Years, in this case.  Anyhow.  She had some wool things she’d started (apparently I’m not alone in this inability to finish stuff), which I supershrunk to satisfy my felting obsession.  I had the plain stuff from another felting project.  You do not want to know about that.  It was crazy.  I also happen to like penny rugs. 

So. There we are. 

A close-to-finished project which used up some stuff (but mostly used up an evening) and got me started on the winter scavenger hunt.  Yippee skippy.

I’m having issues with completion. 

I’ve been thinking.  I was working on all kinds of deep, meaningful posts in my head.  For days now.  Have you read any of them?  Of course not, because I can’t finish the thinking.  Really, it was great stuff. 

And I have all these ideas about stuff to do, but I can’t finish any of it.  I’ve been working on the same 5 inches of crochet for 3 days which I’ve had to rip out repeatedly because I keep messing it up.

And yet, I have a resolution for the new year.  I usually avoid that kind of thing, because truthfully, follow through is not one of my strengths. However, this is a completely doable resolution because it will keep me entertained! 

I’ve been working in our “disgusting” basement.  (quotes because Spawn called it that, not because it isn’t.)  I have unearthed some truly amazing things.  Also lots of garbage and some fine things to pass along to our buddy Good Will.  I should tell you a story of good will.  But maybe I already have. Who can remember these things.  In any case, finding these amazing things gave me the idea that I could do projects out the wazoo this year.  I can finish things I’ve started!  And this can be interpreted loosely.  See, if I own a book, I can do a project out of it.  If I own a piece of fabric, I can do a project out of it.  (Which is one of my plans for tomorrow or today, whichever comes first.)  I’m not limited by what I thought was a project once upon a time!!  I can do those too.  (Actually I am working on one currently.  The 20 year old sweater project, which is now close to starting sleeves.  yay, me.)

And some of these things I thought were a good idea whenever I thought they were a good idea, I can decide now are not!  I can ditch them. Dump them.  Goodbye, I don’t have to do you.  Can you imagine?  Letting go of baggage?  I can do that!!

Retraining as well.  That’s on the agenda.  Speaking of which. The Good Will story.  When girls were much younger, they had Barbies.  Not my fault.  Lots of Barbies and lots of Barbie stuff.  Also, a place to put on the Barbie stuff (we were bin-land at one point). Putting away did not appeal to my girls.  (does not)  And so one day I said that the Barbie stuff needed to get put away or they were all going to Good Will.  LLO, completely serious, said that the nice boy would enjoy them.  I’m sure he did.  Or someone did.  When we go shopping at Goodwill, which is way more often than anywhere else- we are that cool, it’s actually “nice boy”.  Anyhow.  These people will bend to my will or their crap will go.  And that is not being mean, it’s parenting.

You know what I love most about my resolution?  I can do whatever the heck I feel like doing, and I’m still working on improving my life.  How cool is that.

Spawn asked me this morning why our basement is so disgusting.  The only reason she was in the basement at all was to get wrapping paper to wrap the Christmas presents for her grandparents.  And, granted our basement is disgusting.  However, after she left: I picked up the spiral bits of paper she’d cut off her painting, put the other frame in some part of the living other than the middle, put away the wrapping paper, hung up her coat, moved her shoes out of my way, put away her sister’s drawing supplies, took somebody’s dirty socks off the coffee table, threw two pairs of slippers up towards their owners’ bedrooms.  Why is our basement disgusting?  Because the maid service cannot keep up with the swine.

So now. I have a quiet day (having sent the swine away.)  I have made the living room look somewhat civilized.  I have tackled a couple bits of the disgusting basement.  Which is also incredibly stinky, I must say.  I appreciate that very much.  My father-in-law thinks that maybe there is a serious issue that I chose to avoid a trip to the land of the bird calls.  Nope.  I just need a little quiet.

When Spawn was little she was one of those kids who couldn’t stand tags in her clothes and I had to buy just the right kinds of socks or the seam bothered her.  It was all very dramatic.  I bring this up because I determined that she was “sensitive” and I bought a really great book about it.  It’s somewhere on my bookshelf.  Too much effort.  I think she got that from me though.  Because I have to tell you, noises and smells bug me.  Spouseman bought the cats some kind of water gizmo and it hums.  Some people might find it to be white noise.  It makes me crazy.  That was the first thing I did when they left this morning.  Unplugged the water fountain.  And he likes to run the dishwasher in the middle of the night.  It wakes me up.  I may not say something every time and it may not wake me up every time.  But, really, how many interrupted nights of sleep are necessary for a person to be justifiably irritated?  My oven has a weird smell when I bake cookies.  I think it’s the stoneware.  We’re all going to die.  Well, not me, I sent the cookies to grandma’s house.

@wildwomanofthewest challenged us to a survey.  I’m not very entertaining today (as you can see), but we can pretend.

1. In 2012, my blog was mainly a place to

a. release my emotion
b. create
c. encourage the peoples
d. all of the above
e. other ________
f. I have a blog?

Well, I did all kinds of stuff.  Clearly, some emotion was spewed out for all to see.  I did some creative stuff on occasion.  I think I encouraged some peops once in a while- at least I hope so.  I made some groovy friends who rock my world.

2. My favorite blog post in 2012 and why.
http://promisesunshine.xanga.com/768200619/towards-the-light/
http://promisesunshine.xanga.com/761150574/dream-house/
http://promisesunshine.xanga.com/759762668/criss-cross-applesauce/
http://promisesunshine.xanga.com/758043623/home/
How obnoxious, I have more than one favorite.  I like these because they make me feel good and many of them were written for one of the scavenger hunts or such.  I really like doing those challenges.  They are challenging.  Ha.  I mean fun.

3. A blog I read that challenged the way I think.
I’m gonna cop out here (I’m that way) because a lot of blogs I read challenge me to think.  As far as challenging the way I think, perhaps prisoneroflove (where did he go?) forced me to think more carefully and express my opinions (which were always counter to his ) more clearly.  blah blah.

4. A blog I wrote when I was at a fork in the road.
http://promisesunshine.xanga.com/762535901/choices/
http://promisesunshine.xanga.com/760869050/end-of-tears/
Melodrama. Done. Poetry is good for that.

5. My 2013 blog goal(s).
Goals?  Sure.  I’m going to stop going for days without saying anything.  Because I don’t like it when that happens.  Makes it harder to blog again.

6. If my blog were a casserole, what kind would it be?a little meat, a little veg, a little saucy, crunchy bits on top.

Spawn was cranky today.  She’s sick and a teenager.  Do I really need to say more about that?  Anyhow, she was defending her poor defenseless little sister from her evil mother giving out opportunities.  Can’t have that.  Cannot get to do something so incredibly fun.  Because she said I was giving LLO no choice.  Au contrarywise, I gave LLO all kinds of choice because this opportunity I’m handing out is more than half the cost of our mortgage, I wasn’t about to force her to do it.  That would be kinda stupid.  Spawn claims that I’m forcing because LLO isn’t enthusiastically accepting this opportunity.  Um. Have you met your sister? How do I know LLO is into the opportunity? Because I said she had to turn over a chunk of her Christmas cash and she went and got the check.  If she wasn’t ok with this, she wouldn’t have handed over the mula.  There is nothing LLO likes more than mula.  Well, except for TV. 

Speaking of mula.  As I enjoyed the disagreeableness of the Spawn, I made the “joke” that she give us all her insights into parenting when we get our next family.  And the little twerp said “don’t you think they’d be giving out new families to people who are successful and have made lots of money?”  And you know, I have to wonder where exactly I went astray.  Giving out new families?  Does she think the government hands out babies or something?  And is success really dependent upon making lots of money?  I was a little worried.  And then she said we were aliens.  That reassured me that all is well.  Well, not really.  But she is sick.  And blond.

Then LLO gave me some advice too.   How to get work done in a timely manner so as not to suffer the consequences of procrastination.  To which I responded that I’d be more alert tomorrow and just trust me girlie. And some further words of wisdom, “take my advice, I’m not using it.”  Yes, she said that.

And somehow Spouseman is the one who has conquered the Christmas lists.  And today was wrapping.  He apologized to me that he doesn’t have much for me.  (which is really quite ok since I have bupkus for him).  I said this is no problem because he bought me a ukelele.  His response:  “did I?”  Uh huh.  You did.  And he wanted to know if he should wrap it.  Absolutely.  And the rest of that stuff too.

It doesn’t feel like Christmas.  It really doesn’t.

I wish you a hopeful Christmas
I wish you a brave New Year
All anguish pain and sadness
Leave your heart and let your road be clear
They said there’ll be snow at Christmas
They said there’ll be peace on Earth
Hallelujah Noel, be it Heaven or Hell
The Christmas you get you deserve

I had to stop listening to my favorite Christmas CD because it is incredibly obvious that some Christmas hell this year was not at all deserved. Maybe we could work on peace on Earth.

(Incidentally, both kids went to bed crank-free.)

At work today I get to help with an art project and watch Monsters Inc.  And get presents.

And not an art project like yesterday.  You would never believe the project I did with 1st graders.  It was hairy, but so cute.  Well, I don’t mean the project is hairy.  Anyhow.

Sent the birthday girl to school happy.  She made cookies for her class.  She was even clean.  And she’d practiced her drum more than she was supposed to.  12 dawned pretty bright here in the land of sunshine. (minus sunshine. because it’s going to rain forever.)

It’s days like today that I think of Ray Bradbury and the two best short stories in the history of writing.

Spawn is sick, so she’s not having her sleepover client this evening, which is fine.  Now I don’t have to worry about whether LLO’s friend actually comes over.  I can fix it.

In 6 short hours, I will be home free for the rest of the year.

Also, I’m a hero with LLO because I got an email for a great after school science thing.  Some days it’s easier to be a hero than others.

I may sleep in tomorrow.  All the way to 7am.  Or… gasp.. even 7:30.

In other news, I need a quad latte.  At least.