January 20, 2012
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mellow as a house of cards
a house of cards
endless hours of putting two pieces together to make a frame. getting it just right. was it the 2 of spades and 10 of diamonds? was it physics? then when you get the tent set up, you do another in just the right place. then a roof on top of both. and building another tent on top of that. and don’t breathe. one breath, one false move, one stomping nearby, and the house of cards falls down. frustrated? maybe. but you keep on trying, because for some reason building a house of cards is fun. i don’t know why. is it the conquering against the odds? is it that as a kid you don’t know you are conquering odds at all? i haven’t built a physical house of cards in decades. are there adults that do? are there people with that kind of patience, that kind of time, that kind of calm, that kind of perseverance?
philosophical house of cards.
i’ve been working all week on maintaining mellow. all my usual tricks. reading. listening to good music. hanging with friends. deep breathing. and i get there. i get to mellow. i get to a couple tiers of mellow. and then somebody breathes. and the mellow house of cards come tumbling down. and it just keeps coming down. and each time it seems to fall farther, harder. to the point what was cards gently falling slowly now feels like bricks.
and i don’t know. i don’t know if i shouldn’t be building with cards. or if i’m in a windy place. or that i don’t need to be building anything at all. i just don’t know.
check out all the x’s in my sky.
Comments (16)
hmmm I have felt like that a lot during this past three years, I read the covey book and the only thing that makes sense in the whole read is that we should trace a plan of flight a route to guide us so if we ever leave out of unespectec events we can go back to it, it had worked for me at least I know I have a path I can go back to and takes away some edge to the strees of failing on your pruposes.
i know this feeling, this striving. good post, c.
Metaphors galore of cards and life and philosophy. Sometimes it is hard to keep on keeping on. I’m sure what you are looking for is something more than a cliche. Wish I had more to offer at the moment.
@xXxlovelylollipop - a flight plan? i suppose that’s the problem. i’m always flying blind. @vexations - wish i didn’t need it.
I understand how you feel. Just when I get the house of cards get built, and I take a second to smile, something/someone comes along and “knocks” it down.
I say keep doing the things that help you feel mellow…that will prep you/help you when things are not-mellow. And I say keep building. Even if the progress is slow, or halted, or stopped…you can always begin again and I think it’s worth it.
Just my one cent!
HUGE Mellow-HUGS!
@AdamsWomanFell - that’s at least 2 cents. and a bonus nickel for the mellow hug. i’m too sappy to stop building anyhow. the sun was shining a little today. i got a picture from a little sweetie. a little boy fired me and told me he hated me. (i know he doesn’t) and it’s friday.
Sometimes we all wonder why we are still here and still moving forward. We all wonder what is the use and will it get any better.
@Grannys_Place - could that be any more depressing? it doesn’t suit me.
An interesting metaphor with the use of cards, but I also understand it. Last year my life was in a whirlwind tunnel. There was no way to keep that house standing, no matter what I tried. I finally realized the only way to get the house to remain steady was to change the apects of the whirlwind to a soft summer breeze. It has taken almost 3 months, but I am getting there. There will be an occasional wolf blowing at the door (metaphorically speaking), but it is still standing strong.
I think we each center ourselves in different ways. If listening to good music, hanging with true friends and deep breathing help you center yourself, then try practicing that in everything you do. You may not have music handy when a hearty wind comes along, but it’s there in your minds eye. Pull it out and use the ‘memory’ of it to help steady your thoughts. It won’t happen over night, but it does get better with practice.
I’m leaving you the two cents. Perhaps there is a wishing well some where close that you could toss them into and then have your wish come true. It could happen.
Warm ((((HUGS)))), my dear.
This is so true of so many endevours in life. Planning and finesse are essential.
@MzSilver - yes. i decided today that it has to come from within. that i need to make my centering stronger. suddenly i’m thinking of expecto patronum. (any chance you’re a harry potter fan?) i appreciate your advice. i think i’ll keep the 2 cents as a visual reminder instead of wishing. @RighteousBruin - neither of which are my strengths. but i will work at it.
@promisesunshine - Not a huge fan, but I certainly know those words very well. I like your 2 cents idea, ‘grasshopper.’ That works as well.
All those tree branches kind of look like a spider web, almost.
I never was good at building things with cards. I’m not sure what that means for the rest of my life.
@leaflesstree - it means absolutely nothing.
Just stopping by with some nighty-night hugs for you!
HUGS!
@AdamsWomanFell - you are the best. happy mornin’ hugs to you!