hello Monday.  I don’t care for you today.

1)  We were supposed to get freezing rain all night and didn’t.  Normally I don’t wish for crappy weather, but today it really suited my needs.  because…

2) We have another stinking 2 hour delay instead of a school cancellation.  I’m sick of school delays.  It totally messes up the whole schedule for the day and I’m tired of being flexible.  Two hour delay puts me in charge of getting those people to school.  Including the spawn who is always late and needs to be driven and putting me in charge of driving her just makes it worse.  Oh, I just remembered she has detention today for … being late to school.  Ah, memories of last year when she had detention a lot for… being late to school.  Sigh.  We’re not that smart here.

3) Why I wanted (needed) a school cancellation today:  I had a lovely Saturday doing whatever moved me and I had a busy Sunday doing whatever had to be moved.  So Sunday evening appeared out of nowhere and I had all my class reading to do.  Yessirree.  Mighty pleased with my decision to put that off.  Because I was up way into the wee hours sucking down coffee and reading long articles (which were thankfully comprehensible for a change, but nonetheless long) and wishing I could be snoring like everybody else.  And a school cancellation today would sort of put to rest the fact that I have done nothing for the little 6 hour long art extravaganza I’m committed to on Friday.  (Because no school today would translate to school on Friday and therefore no in-service at the art place.)  So life would be grand.  instead…

4) It is the Mondayest of Mondays.  The beginning of what promises to be quite a week. 

and now it’s time to get on with it.

danger, danger, will robinson. it ain’t about hot chocolate.

two naughty ladies on xanga @adamswomanfell

 

hunger in her eyes, in her thoughts. blood rushing,

settling in deep, dark, wet place

need pounding as she saw the turgid, pulsing cock-

proud, thick, jutting forward

yes, she wanted. wanted to feel that cock

slide slowly dip deeply into her steamy hot mouth

she took it without asking- took it as far as it would go

feeling each ripple, each ridge until the smooth cap touched her throat

and she held it still savoring the musky tang,

the heat, the fullness of his manly probe.

swallowed slowly.

drew her mouth gently away,

sucking the length, tongue pressed against flesh

her tongue dipped around ridges and across the expanse

licking at the sweet offering he gave her

licking the whole length of the gift

swirling tongue gently around the love sacks

again pressing tongue against flesh

returning to the head, lips to kiss

before the need overwhelmed her

and she took the member into her hot mouth

sliding as she sucked, once, twice, a hundred times

faster, slower, gentle, hard.  Always hot and wet

always hungry, so hungry.  For the prize.

his soft moans let her know the prize was soon

hot cum squirted.  she swallowed again and again.

not a drop wasted.

 

Watercolors came up in conversation today.  Which is interesting.  In a way.  But I suppose not all that surprising.  My girlies like to paint watercolors.  I have stuff all over the house that they’ve painted.  Some of my favorite art is watercolor.  Some of my favorite projects to do with kids at camp use watercolors.

What maybe is interesting is that last night I had an idea that involved pastels and watercolors.  And I did it.  And it makes me happy.  You’ll probably get to see it later because it’s part of the scavenger hunt, which I’m at the point of finishing these last few that I’ve put off or not.  I’m pretty stubborn at times, so I probably will finish.  But… it may not be great stuff.  There, I said it.

Anyhow.  What is about watercolors?  I like the soft look.  The muddiness.  The indistinct lines but distinct intention.  The beauty.  The color.  To use watercolors to add color to paper (or clay, I’ve used in there too), is so satisfying.  The depth of color depends on the user.  Where the color ends up is far less in the control of the painter (unless, I suppose, you are really good at it.) 

I took a group class in watercolors an eon ago.  If memory serves, Spawn was about 4 and I was baking Littleloudone.  The teacher commented more than once that I came to class tense (I was one tightly wound mommy in those days) and she watched me relax over the couple hours of class.  I know I enjoyed the class very much.  I can’t seem to find anything I did then.  I do remember a lot of our still life paintings included incredibly ugly sponges, which annoyed me.  But I cannot forget how much I liked doing it. 

This is the one thing I framed.  It’s copied from a painting in a magazine.  Watercolor and colored pencil.  I liked it because the cat looks just like our first cat.  Our big lap cat who didn’t care much for the noise of babies and had health issues.

(Lots of weird reflections on the glass from the phone camera.)

I couldn’t find the kids’ cheap watercolor sets this morning and I was feeling a little bit like going the extra mile anyhow, so I found my stash from class.  The tubes are probably significantly drier than they are supposed to be.  Pretty sure.  And somehow I put away the palette dirty.  Which is almost funny, but really not.  In any case, I used ‘em. 

That appears to be all I have to say about that.

a house of cards

endless hours of putting two pieces together to make a frame.  getting it just right.  was it the 2 of spades and 10 of diamonds?  was it physics? then when you get the tent set up, you do another in just the right place.  then a roof on top of both.  and building another tent on top of that.  and don’t breathe.  one breath, one false move, one stomping nearby, and the house of cards falls down.  frustrated? maybe.  but you keep on trying, because for some reason building a house of cards is fun.  i don’t know why.  is it the conquering against the odds?  is it that as a kid you don’t know you are conquering odds at all?  i haven’t built a physical house of cards in decades.  are there adults that do?  are there people with that kind of patience, that kind of time, that kind of calm, that kind of perseverance?

philosophical house of cards.

i’ve been working all week on maintaining mellow.  all my usual tricks.  reading.  listening to good music.  hanging with friends.  deep breathing. and i get there.  i get to mellow.  i get to a couple tiers of mellow.  and then somebody breathes.  and the mellow house of cards come tumbling down. and it just keeps coming down.  and each time it seems to fall farther, harder.  to the point what was cards gently falling slowly now feels like bricks. 

and i don’t know.  i don’t know if i shouldn’t be building with cards.  or if i’m in a windy place.  or that i don’t need to be building anything at all.  i just don’t know.

check out all the x’s in my sky.

one of those days.

my work day was short- i mean it went fast.  it was hell.

i got lots of hugs.  several kids think hugs around my legs are good.

i’m completely wiped out and exhausted.  i’m playing hookie tomorrow.

the walk to class tonight took forever and was incredibly cold.  i wasn’t late like i was last week.

i had time to stop at starbucks for a divine and necessary coffee concoction.  i dumped every drop of it in the bathroom.

too many people in class to keep track of how many times each person is contributing (which was my big drama last week- that the grade is primarily based on class participation).  i had no trouble raising my hand today.

early class so i had time to eat dinner at a diner after class with the peops.  littleloudone is loud and argued with everything i said.

i just got an email from LLO’s teacher and she really likes her.  LLO so far this week has rolled her eyes at the teacher- oh wait, it was “what I am just moving my eyes around in all directions”-, poked a classmate with a pencil several times because the classmate didn’t think her pencil point was sharp enough, said she can’t get detention in elementary school, has lost recess every day, and has been in the principal’s office.

my wine glass is empty.  there’s more in the box. 

 

Last night when I was concentrating really hard (bwa ha ha), I heard a cool piano song on my Beethoven Pandora station.  Nice, it was.  But it reminded me of the first soundtrack I ever bought.  Surprisingly recently (by which I mean in the past few years.)  Because I had an obsession.

I rented Pride and Prejudice (the one with Matthew Macfadyen and Keira Knightley) and watched it and loved it.  Loved it so much that I watched it 31 days in a row.  Yes, indeed, 31 days in a row.  Broke a DVD player and had to buy a new one.  Visited friends and made them watch it.  At one point I knew every piece of dialogue, every gesture, every look.  Sighed in all the same places.  Fingers tingled at all the appropriate moments.  Gasped.  Smiled.  The whole thing.  Time after time.  31 days in a row.  Oh, yea, we bought it.

Then I read the book aloud to spouseman.  Often as he cooked dinner (which I think is an excellent exchange, thank you very much.)  Got irritated with kids because they thought they should be able to interrupt me. 

Here’s where Darcy, Bingley, and Caroline are in the carriage leaving the countryside.  Darcy and Bingley both looking wistfully back, longing for the women they love, while Caroline smirks at the success of her manipulation.

I haven’t watched it in a while.  Because after you know a movie that well, you sometimes nap through it.  And I always miss the best parts.  Like in the gazebo, when Elizabeth and Darcy are arguing.  And you just feel how much he wants to kiss her and she wants that too, but no.  No kissing for these two. 

And, yes, this was the beginning of the rest of my Jane Austen obsession.  I’ve seen the Colin Firth version as well.  He makes a very fine Darcy, but can’t watch that on in one night.  And I possibly like Sense and Sensibility even more.  Emma Thompson, Hugh Grant, Kate Winslet, Severus Snape.  shoot, who is that.  Alan Rickman.  It is a very fine movie.  Especially for those days when melodrama are in order.  (crying) And Emma is delightful as well, because she reminds me of someone I am (and I adore Knightley as well- because he’s Septimus in another of my favorite movies.)

Most ridiculous exchange in the movie. 

Darcy, say it to me!!  I won’t notice that your hands are cold!!  And there would be kissing, darn it.

In other news:  Littleloudone asked me to read a chapter of the Hobbit last night.  I couldn’t say no- also couldn’t read a whole chapter, because golly those chapters are long.  But it was a funny part that we all enjoyed (whole gang listened in).  And then she said “thank you!”  I shouldn’t be quite so shocked that she used manners, but it’s rare enough lately.  So I hugged her until she couldn’t breathe and we were both happy.

 

 

yep, that’s what it is.

i’m taking two grad school classes again this semester.  last semester when i survived this experience (and possibly thrived in it), i assured myself i wouldn’t have to do it again.  unfortunately that was before i knew that i needed that other class.  so i have to do two again this semester in order to get the prize when i want it.  and i want to earn the prize and i don’t want to drag out the earning any longer than i have to, because i miss my life.  so two classes it is, tough cookies, sister.

and the classes, yessirree.  no reason to panic about them in spite of the fact that one grade is almost entirely based on classroom participation.  (not that the learning is less important to me than the grade, but still… why do it if i can’t do reasonably well.)  some people may not find that terrifying, but i do.  because i don’t like to talk in class.  i like to sit quietly and absorb in my own little way.  because talking in class is terrifying.  it took me 3 semesters to raise my hand with the crowd i knew.  it’s a whole new crowd mostly now.  who cares what they think, because most of them are 20somethings with no experience to speak of.  and, as one professor said to me, i have plenty to offer my classmates.  but there it is.  i don’t want to.

and i don’t want to work hard right now.  i want to still be on winter break.  i like winter break.  it’s a break.  relaxing is good.  playing and being are good.  reading and thinking on demand are not.  but, too bad for me, because break is over and it’s back to the grind.  tough cookies, sister.

and it’s january.  i hate january.  january was created by the devil.  it’s cold. it’s long. it’s miserable.  it’s ugly.  but, again, it is january and i need to get over that too. i have a long history of struggling in this semester they call spring.  what a cruel thing to do.  to call the semester that starts in january- frigid, miserable, stinking january- spring semester.  because by the time the weather catches up with the name and the beauty and rejuvenation of spring, i’ll be up to my eyeballs in the chaos of the end of the semester and won’t be able to absorb spring.  it’s a cruel way to start a semester.  i protest.  but, the university is not going to change the name for me. 

i didn’t get enough done this weekend.  so when i get home from an exhausting day of work, i get to work like a dog to catch up with what i should have done this weekend.  i’m not excited about that, i can assure you.  but, tough cookies, sister.

so.  i need a peptalk.  i need a little cheering squad.  rah rah.  even though i have plenty of people in my corner, telling me i can do this thing, if i ask, it really isn’t what i need, is it?  it’s gotta come from inside this sad little stubborn head of mine.  i have to beat down that panic with a big stick.  i have to get control of myself.  stop whining.  stop worrying.  stop thinking about what i’d rather be doing.  stop thinking about every past crappy january in the universe.  and start.  because it’s a good prize. 

give me a cookie. (and a glass of milk)

quoted this to spawn this morning: strength and fortitude, keeps a man from getting screwed.  she thought i was being inappropriate.  (score one for mom)

 

Where do I even start with the random and pointless report?  Saturday morning disappeared the way every Saturday morning disappears in a cloud of coffee and nothing.  I collected dust bunnies and pine needles in the living room while psycho ninja kitten attacked the broom which she still finds endlessly fascinating.  I finished a book that made me cry.  Littleloudone laughed at me.  Best Grisham I’ve read in a while.  Solidified my opinion on the death penalty, thank you very much.  Not that there was much doubt.  Not even going to be annoyed that it probably took me more than two weeks to read it.  Because it is abundantly clear that the days of me reading a book in a few days are long gone.  Even if I have or take the time to sit and read, I lack the concentration anymore.  Sigh.  I tried to read my snore articles for class and instead finished some paperworky stuff that people have been asking for (many times and for a long time).  I hate like heck that I have to plan my summer in January.  But mostly I hate that my summer is very full and seems to lack any kind of playtime.  I don’t want to be taking classes this semester.  I feel like I just finished.  I want to hide and be mindless.  Instead I will be something like a grown-up.  Eventually.  I called a friend and begged her to let me visit.  I didn’t really have to beg, of course.  I keep forgetting that I need real life interaction.  Then I came home to jinx another football team.  Littleloudone and I did mother/daughter pasteling.  When I stopped getting annoyed at her bumping the table, I decided that it was really quite adorable that she wanted to do the same thing I was doing.  Especially since she’s been giving me such a hard time about watching football “all the time”.  The 49ers have the most hideous outfits.  I yelled at the tv.  This last second losing thing is getting on my last nerve.  The next thing on the agenda was read aloud to the peops. LLO said I was reading slowly and that maybe I was saying some wrong words.  Gosh, that’s only because I was falling asleep.  I woke myself up a couple times spouting nonsense.  While I was reading (and awake), we were having some major cat wars.  psychoninjakitten was probably attacking Princess Buttercup again.  It was very loud.  At one point, the kitten came up on my chair.  I had to laugh because she was completely covered in pine needles.  (Apparently I missed a few.)  She’s a new kind of air freshener.  The fast moving kind.

Is this really all I have to say about an entire day?  Yes, I think it is.  But that’s the kind of day it was.  Random and pointless.  But still.  Many little things that add up to something.

thoughts

blue as the sky, soft as a cloud

the path clear

but should the path be clear

the intellect confused by trees

the brown of earth and space and time

solid

but the sky

filled with a thousand eyes

eyes that sought more than thoughts

peering into eyes that saw with

something other than mind

epicenter

closing eyes to see better

she felt the rightness

the joining of spirits

the wisdom of thinking

with the heart

spread wide

warm rain beckoned

and he walked in

I took notes while the kids in Sunday School were sharing.  Because it was some wild stuff.  I’m not making any of this up.

One girl told a long, involved story of how they were able to convince Santa to come to their house early so they could go away for Christmas.  I’m glad Santa was able to work flex time to accommodate their travel plans.

Another girl got a polar bear for Christmas.  That was all the available information.  I hope their house is large and chilly.

Another little girl reported on her brother’s gun.  Which he uses to shoot squirrels off the terrace.  Yup.

A little boy gave an interpretive dance of his best gift.  I had to have him repeat it 3 times before I convinced him to stand still so I could understand.  He got a paper jam rock star guitar (I think) and “almost woke the whole neighborhood.”  This I know is an exaggeration as we live in the same neighborhood.  My comment prompted him to explain the physics (?) of how he was facing the wrong direction for the noise to reach my house.

I really did take notes.

Today my little hippy school kid told me the facts of how it is.  He hates school and will learn anything he needs to know by watching documentaries.  I work with 1st graders.  Just so you know.  He is currently driving me out of my tree.  I actually threatened to call the president if he didn’t finish the (stupid) math quiz.  It took him an entire hour to answer 6 questions, but I’m really glad I didn’t have to hit the speed dial on Obama.  Can you believe I actually threatened that?  Me neither.

Little Loud One went to school as a ninja today.  Her wardrobe looked surprisingly similar to her usual outfits: mismatched stripes and a bandanna.  But she was a ninja.

This is my report for the day.