November 21, 2011
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most wonderful time of the year
I’m getting the idea that I’m not the only one who has issues with the holidays. This is actually sort of comforting. In a way.
I’m going to try something new this year. I always say the only good part about Christmas is the music. So, at the very least, you can listen to some of my favorite holiday songs.
The past few years have been interesting, shall we say, on how I’ve “dealt” with holiday stress. Three years ago I cried through the holidays. Starting around September if I recall correctly. I was a sobbing mess, practically a recluse, uninvolved unless I had to be. On my birthday, I cried the entire day- a beautiful Sunday where the sermon was about joy. Joy was so far from my life, the tears started flowing and wouldn’t stop. I made a delightful scene. The next day I visited my 12 year old doctor, still crying, and begged him to fix me. So the next holiday season was my season of mood-altering drugs. I don’t remember anything. I clearly made it through. The whole year is a blur. Except when the holidays were basically over, I remember my family having dinner and playing games with another family I adore. Laughing. And I continued laughing and playing and rediscovered joy and ditched the drugs. That was a good year. Up until the holidays whereupon I made the worst decision of my life that got me through the holidays but wrecked havoc on the months after. So, my recent holiday track record sort of stinks. And I’m not interested in recreating any of those years. Once was enough.
Here’s one of my favorite winter songs, which I’m sure you’ve never heard.
I found myself in the past few days heading into the abyss that is the holidays for me. Guilt and stress (and being sick and sleep-deprived) led me to being dissatisfied and critical and miserable and ugly and selfish. Which lead to more guilt and stress and a trail of destruction. Very, very ugly.
Here’s where I’m coming to the new thing. Penetrating my consciousness is all the discussion about positivity. Peeking through my ugly eyes are beautiful pictures. Filtering through my ears are kind, affirming words. As I’m working my way out of the hellish depths of ugliness, feeling almost nice again, seeing beauty, laughing, I’m wondering if I can just take control of my holidays and be happy about it. Maybe if I treat each day as a single day, rather than dreading the season, I can enjoy the days. Maybe if instead of thinking, “this is the day where I have to…”, I could focus on the positive parts of the day (and there are positive parts). Maybe, just maybe, even say, “this is the day I get to…”
Here, have another.
Then maybe Christmas won’t be a bad word.
As for the of the name of the blog, spouse helped me and we burst out laughing and started singing that OTHER version of the 12 Days of Christmas. Boys and girls, it’s going to be ok.
Comments (17)
I’ve heard a lot of people can feel nostalgic or sad during holidays, I trully hope this year your holidays are better
*hug*
This is one of my favorite winter songs. This one was fitting for this week as is this one.
Yep—- with the right atttitude, It’s gonna be great !!!!!
@xXxlovelylollipop - thanks. i can do whatever i put my mind to.
@godfatherofgreenbay - hope you bag one, baby.
Yes, one day at a time. And get your sleep! Sleep deprivation screws the mind royally! ((((hugs)))) I’ll have to check out the music when I’m home from work. LOL! Prolly shouldn’t be catching up on my subscriptions from here, but my work attitude reflects your attitude of the holidays!
@songoftheheart - i hear ya
Awesome…and may I just say you’ve had much more interesting reactions to the holidays than I have. I always do the exact…same…thing. Bite people’s heads off, complain constantly, grumble incessantly, drink a lot, and drive my husband crazy. I’d try something new but I can’t think of anything. This morning when my husband woke me up I bit his head off and when he said, “why are you so grumpy?” I said, still half asleep, “I’m just sad, today.” And he said, “why?” And I said, “because I woke up.” Ah, he thought that was the funniest thing he’d ever heard in his life. So that was fun.
@ordinarybutloud - interesting, but not in a good way. see, my hubby wouldn’t DARE laugh at that. unless I did first. i’m sorry, but it did make me smile in the telling. i’m sure it didn’t feel funny to you.
btw, i do the complain, grumble, drink, drive, bite thing too. just take it a step further…. ’cause i’m that way.
@promisesunshine - oh, no, I was definitely laughing too. I was still sleeping when I said it, you see. It came out sounding pretty sad. He goes, “well, most of us are *happy* we woke up.”
Wish I could listen to the songs, but I’m on dial up.
Now I’ve got that song stuck in my head. lol (your title)
@JstNotherDay - you’re welcome.
i much prefer the newer version from the staples commercial. but that’s just me.
http://www.amazon.com/Unplug-Christmas-Machine-Complete-Putting/dp/0688109616
check out the sales of this book and you might not feel like the Lone Ranger about your feelings.
@vexations - yea, it looks good. not a chance i’m gonna buy a book about it.
it’s not even that my kids are greedy. they’re really not. it’s the traveling. and the being on good behavior for extended family. i really think if i could celebrate on a deserted island with my people, i’d be fine.
smartest thing i did last year was telling the kids they couldn’t have their birthday parties in december.
Those actually aren’t bad ones. I expected normal stuff. Like rudolph and frosty and I’m Dreaming…
@onestepcloserto_perfection - i just don’t care for the normal stuff.