I’m having issues with completion. 

I’ve been thinking.  I was working on all kinds of deep, meaningful posts in my head.  For days now.  Have you read any of them?  Of course not, because I can’t finish the thinking.  Really, it was great stuff. 

And I have all these ideas about stuff to do, but I can’t finish any of it.  I’ve been working on the same 5 inches of crochet for 3 days which I’ve had to rip out repeatedly because I keep messing it up.

And yet, I have a resolution for the new year.  I usually avoid that kind of thing, because truthfully, follow through is not one of my strengths. However, this is a completely doable resolution because it will keep me entertained! 

I’ve been working in our “disgusting” basement.  (quotes because Spawn called it that, not because it isn’t.)  I have unearthed some truly amazing things.  Also lots of garbage and some fine things to pass along to our buddy Good Will.  I should tell you a story of good will.  But maybe I already have. Who can remember these things.  In any case, finding these amazing things gave me the idea that I could do projects out the wazoo this year.  I can finish things I’ve started!  And this can be interpreted loosely.  See, if I own a book, I can do a project out of it.  If I own a piece of fabric, I can do a project out of it.  (Which is one of my plans for tomorrow or today, whichever comes first.)  I’m not limited by what I thought was a project once upon a time!!  I can do those too.  (Actually I am working on one currently.  The 20 year old sweater project, which is now close to starting sleeves.  yay, me.)

And some of these things I thought were a good idea whenever I thought they were a good idea, I can decide now are not!  I can ditch them. Dump them.  Goodbye, I don’t have to do you.  Can you imagine?  Letting go of baggage?  I can do that!!

Retraining as well.  That’s on the agenda.  Speaking of which. The Good Will story.  When girls were much younger, they had Barbies.  Not my fault.  Lots of Barbies and lots of Barbie stuff.  Also, a place to put on the Barbie stuff (we were bin-land at one point). Putting away did not appeal to my girls.  (does not)  And so one day I said that the Barbie stuff needed to get put away or they were all going to Good Will.  LLO, completely serious, said that the nice boy would enjoy them.  I’m sure he did.  Or someone did.  When we go shopping at Goodwill, which is way more often than anywhere else- we are that cool, it’s actually “nice boy”.  Anyhow.  These people will bend to my will or their crap will go.  And that is not being mean, it’s parenting.

You know what I love most about my resolution?  I can do whatever the heck I feel like doing, and I’m still working on improving my life.  How cool is that.

Spawn asked me this morning why our basement is so disgusting.  The only reason she was in the basement at all was to get wrapping paper to wrap the Christmas presents for her grandparents.  And, granted our basement is disgusting.  However, after she left: I picked up the spiral bits of paper she’d cut off her painting, put the other frame in some part of the living other than the middle, put away the wrapping paper, hung up her coat, moved her shoes out of my way, put away her sister’s drawing supplies, took somebody’s dirty socks off the coffee table, threw two pairs of slippers up towards their owners’ bedrooms.  Why is our basement disgusting?  Because the maid service cannot keep up with the swine.

So now. I have a quiet day (having sent the swine away.)  I have made the living room look somewhat civilized.  I have tackled a couple bits of the disgusting basement.  Which is also incredibly stinky, I must say.  I appreciate that very much.  My father-in-law thinks that maybe there is a serious issue that I chose to avoid a trip to the land of the bird calls.  Nope.  I just need a little quiet.

When Spawn was little she was one of those kids who couldn’t stand tags in her clothes and I had to buy just the right kinds of socks or the seam bothered her.  It was all very dramatic.  I bring this up because I determined that she was “sensitive” and I bought a really great book about it.  It’s somewhere on my bookshelf.  Too much effort.  I think she got that from me though.  Because I have to tell you, noises and smells bug me.  Spouseman bought the cats some kind of water gizmo and it hums.  Some people might find it to be white noise.  It makes me crazy.  That was the first thing I did when they left this morning.  Unplugged the water fountain.  And he likes to run the dishwasher in the middle of the night.  It wakes me up.  I may not say something every time and it may not wake me up every time.  But, really, how many interrupted nights of sleep are necessary for a person to be justifiably irritated?  My oven has a weird smell when I bake cookies.  I think it’s the stoneware.  We’re all going to die.  Well, not me, I sent the cookies to grandma’s house.

@wildwomanofthewest challenged us to a survey.  I’m not very entertaining today (as you can see), but we can pretend.

1. In 2012, my blog was mainly a place to

a. release my emotion
b. create
c. encourage the peoples
d. all of the above
e. other ________
f. I have a blog?

Well, I did all kinds of stuff.  Clearly, some emotion was spewed out for all to see.  I did some creative stuff on occasion.  I think I encouraged some peops once in a while- at least I hope so.  I made some groovy friends who rock my world.

2. My favorite blog post in 2012 and why.
http://promisesunshine.xanga.com/768200619/towards-the-light/
http://promisesunshine.xanga.com/761150574/dream-house/
http://promisesunshine.xanga.com/759762668/criss-cross-applesauce/
http://promisesunshine.xanga.com/758043623/home/
How obnoxious, I have more than one favorite.  I like these because they make me feel good and many of them were written for one of the scavenger hunts or such.  I really like doing those challenges.  They are challenging.  Ha.  I mean fun.

3. A blog I read that challenged the way I think.
I’m gonna cop out here (I’m that way) because a lot of blogs I read challenge me to think.  As far as challenging the way I think, perhaps prisoneroflove (where did he go?) forced me to think more carefully and express my opinions (which were always counter to his ) more clearly.  blah blah.

4. A blog I wrote when I was at a fork in the road.
http://promisesunshine.xanga.com/762535901/choices/
http://promisesunshine.xanga.com/760869050/end-of-tears/
Melodrama. Done. Poetry is good for that.

5. My 2013 blog goal(s).
Goals?  Sure.  I’m going to stop going for days without saying anything.  Because I don’t like it when that happens.  Makes it harder to blog again.

6. If my blog were a casserole, what kind would it be?a little meat, a little veg, a little saucy, crunchy bits on top.

Spawn was cranky today.  She’s sick and a teenager.  Do I really need to say more about that?  Anyhow, she was defending her poor defenseless little sister from her evil mother giving out opportunities.  Can’t have that.  Cannot get to do something so incredibly fun.  Because she said I was giving LLO no choice.  Au contrarywise, I gave LLO all kinds of choice because this opportunity I’m handing out is more than half the cost of our mortgage, I wasn’t about to force her to do it.  That would be kinda stupid.  Spawn claims that I’m forcing because LLO isn’t enthusiastically accepting this opportunity.  Um. Have you met your sister? How do I know LLO is into the opportunity? Because I said she had to turn over a chunk of her Christmas cash and she went and got the check.  If she wasn’t ok with this, she wouldn’t have handed over the mula.  There is nothing LLO likes more than mula.  Well, except for TV. 

Speaking of mula.  As I enjoyed the disagreeableness of the Spawn, I made the “joke” that she give us all her insights into parenting when we get our next family.  And the little twerp said “don’t you think they’d be giving out new families to people who are successful and have made lots of money?”  And you know, I have to wonder where exactly I went astray.  Giving out new families?  Does she think the government hands out babies or something?  And is success really dependent upon making lots of money?  I was a little worried.  And then she said we were aliens.  That reassured me that all is well.  Well, not really.  But she is sick.  And blond.

Then LLO gave me some advice too.   How to get work done in a timely manner so as not to suffer the consequences of procrastination.  To which I responded that I’d be more alert tomorrow and just trust me girlie. And some further words of wisdom, “take my advice, I’m not using it.”  Yes, she said that.

And somehow Spouseman is the one who has conquered the Christmas lists.  And today was wrapping.  He apologized to me that he doesn’t have much for me.  (which is really quite ok since I have bupkus for him).  I said this is no problem because he bought me a ukelele.  His response:  “did I?”  Uh huh.  You did.  And he wanted to know if he should wrap it.  Absolutely.  And the rest of that stuff too.

It doesn’t feel like Christmas.  It really doesn’t.

I wish you a hopeful Christmas
I wish you a brave New Year
All anguish pain and sadness
Leave your heart and let your road be clear
They said there’ll be snow at Christmas
They said there’ll be peace on Earth
Hallelujah Noel, be it Heaven or Hell
The Christmas you get you deserve

I had to stop listening to my favorite Christmas CD because it is incredibly obvious that some Christmas hell this year was not at all deserved. Maybe we could work on peace on Earth.

(Incidentally, both kids went to bed crank-free.)

At work today I get to help with an art project and watch Monsters Inc.  And get presents.

And not an art project like yesterday.  You would never believe the project I did with 1st graders.  It was hairy, but so cute.  Well, I don’t mean the project is hairy.  Anyhow.

Sent the birthday girl to school happy.  She made cookies for her class.  She was even clean.  And she’d practiced her drum more than she was supposed to.  12 dawned pretty bright here in the land of sunshine. (minus sunshine. because it’s going to rain forever.)

It’s days like today that I think of Ray Bradbury and the two best short stories in the history of writing.

Spawn is sick, so she’s not having her sleepover client this evening, which is fine.  Now I don’t have to worry about whether LLO’s friend actually comes over.  I can fix it.

In 6 short hours, I will be home free for the rest of the year.

Also, I’m a hero with LLO because I got an email for a great after school science thing.  Some days it’s easier to be a hero than others.

I may sleep in tomorrow.  All the way to 7am.  Or… gasp.. even 7:30.

In other news, I need a quad latte.  At least.

Disclaimer:  the lovely, naughty, hilarious applewoman (who is gone from Xanga far too long, just saying) wrote this lovely, naughty, hilarious tale and suggested that I share it.   How can I say “no, it’s too naughty for me”? Remember though- I had nothing to do with it.  Zero. Zilch. Nada.

Warning:  I said it was a little naughty.

Another warning: I mean it.

Last disclaimer: I’m innocent.  Completely. 

This might just end up sounding like whining.  It’s not really intended that way. 

Tomorrow at school we’re doing festive centers.  We don’t do centers much this year.  So this is big news.  You would not believe the creation I decided to do with the little angels.  We’re stitching.  Yes, we are.  I’m not concerned, why do you ask? I just remembered this morning that I might have said I would take care of prepping the other two projects, only one of which I can even remember at this current time.  Yippee.

Tomorrow night I’m going to choir practice so’s I can sing Christmas Eve.  Assuming I have a voice by Christmas Eve.  Not so much today. Kinda lost most of it last night helping the kiddos practice for the early Christmas Eve service. 

Friday we have school.  Our first hurricane make-up day.  I suppose that is ok.  It’s also LLO’s birthday.  12.  oh my golly.  She’s making cookies to share with her class.  But that’s not my problem, I think.  Both girls are having a sleepover Friday night,

which will merge directly into the mega birthday party on Saturday morning.  They decided to share the party at the roller rink which is closed to everyone but us.  I haven’t thrown a birthday party in a couple years (which has been the topic of conversation lately alternating between this party totally makes up for my deficiencies as a birthday party throwing mother and just the deficiency part.)  In any case, yikes.  However, I don’t have to do a thing except (gulp) pay.  And skate. (yay)  And not permanently damage myself.

Because 2 hours after the birthday party extravaganza, I get to don a lovely robe and shake hands with the Dean.  Pretty sure that I’m wearing my painted shoes.  Try and stop me.  I think we’re celebrating with ice cream. 

Sunday.  I think Sunday is slow.  I’m only busy all morning.  Possibly baking all afternoon.  Or maybe making a Christmas dress for LLO.  Or doing all my Christmas shopping. 

Christmas Eve is mellow too.  Annual party with friends and then the church extravaganza. Between services, I’ll put the presents under the tree, if there are any. I really do like Christmas Eve, helping with the kids and then singing with the grown-ups too.  Also we’re doing a little bell sextet (that’s 6, right?) which is going to be really fun.  If I can still read and count at 11:30pm.  Ha.

And Christmas.  Which is completely unplanned. 

And then. Nothing. I have zero trips on my calendar.  Neither set of parents has said a word about when we are coming.  I’m ok with that.  Because that is the part that makes me so cranky.  Watching my incredibly short break eaten up by a trip to the land of annoying bird calls and the other land of we don’t believe in heat. Surely we’ll have to go.  But I don’t know about it today, so it doesn’t exist.

In other news, I had to call that family who is no longer speaking to us, because LLO wants her best friend to be the sleepover patron.  I left a phone message, which was ignored.  Saw the mom yesterday and asked her about it.  She admitted that she knew I’d left a message, but she didn’t have time to listen to it.  And then she said she’d have to check her calendar.  That was 12 hours ago.  Clearly she didn’t check her calendar right away.  I wouldn’t bother with her if it wasn’t LLO’s choice.  I haven’t missed this woman’s self absorption.  You know that I’m going to have to call again.  How freaking rude is that.

Also, I’m tired of rain.

Also, I just want to go back to bed.  So I’m going to get another spot of tea (it’s a tea day, that’s how bad it is) and put on some festive music and have a good day.  Feel free to do the same.

While I’m waiting for my poorly-timed 2 hour cake to bake, I have plenty of time to talk about my parent of the year award.  Oh, that’s right.  I won’t be getting it.  The good news: I knew where both of my children were for most of this week so far.  Give or take a couple hours.  Each day.

Like, for example, last night.  When LLO was at a churchy party instead of at church.  When she was supposed to bring a wrapped book to exchange.  (All of these things I could have remembered from the 3 years Spawn was in middle school.  OR I could have actually read the email that I was sent telling me all these great things.)  I could have been reminded that it was party night when the fuss was happening about the book.  LLO happened to have one in her backpack.  (A book she owned and liked.  Which is truly shocking enough in itself.)  But I didn’t think of it.  In fact, had no idea she wasn’t in the building until Spouseman came to pick us up and couldn’t find her.  At which time, I was informed by 3/4 of the people in the room (many of whom don’t even have middle school children) that it was party night.  I didn’t even have time to panic, before phone calls were made on my behalf and then suddenly my kid appeared in the doorway since a very nice person had brought her back from the party.  I didn’t even have time to feel like a complete failure as a mother. 

Which I really am.  Because at least one of my kids has a report card out there in cyber space- I think both- which I haven’t looked at.  I can pretend that their grades are not a reflection of who they are and what they are doing.  Am I really fooling anyone?  I don’t think so.

On the other hand, I had quite a revelation with Spawn.  Early last weekend she asked me to play the Google Translate game with her German homework and I said yes.  Because it’s entertaining and fun to translate German paragraphs with Google by my side.  However, she came to me at 8pm Sunday to play the game.  And basically expected me to do all her thinking for her.  She was completely disinterested in looking at the paragraph while I googled.  And, you know what?  I didn’t feel like being taken for that ride.  I’m perfectly happy to help.  But I’m all done with the enabling.  And we had an epic fit.  Well, I didn’t.  She did.  But somehow she managed to translate the paragraph on her own (or with her dad’s help) and she apologized to me Monday morning.  Yada yada.  Well, Tuesday morning she came to me and asked if I’d help her with a paper about medicinal moss.  First question, when is it due?  Wednesday, of course.  My Tuesdays are busy as can be.  So I told her to have a rough draft for me and I’d be happy to edit.  I told her what the basic format should be, which she said she didn’t know. (Really?)  I got home from Tuesday’s joyous drama and Spawn says to me that she didn’t get a rough draft done.  I said these amazing words, “not my problem.”  And I waited.  The most incredible thing happened.  She said “ok” and that she’d go write a rough draft.  I waited.  No drama. No hateful words. No crying. She actually just went and wrote a rough draft. I may never forget this day.  Because honestly, I think this is the first time in nearly 16 years where her problem has not been my problem.  It was beautiful.

Also my cake looks like glue because I seem to have dyslexia tonight.  Sigh.

1. The first item.
LLO can be such a drama queen and stubborn.  But sometimes she is about perfect.  This afternoon I picked her up at the bus stop, which I never do, with the crazy plan to go pick out a tree (in the rain).  She was cool with this plan. And she was cool with the fact I didn’t know where we were going and we got lost.  And she was cool with our pitstop.  (Probably because she got ice cream.)  Then we drove back to the tree farm I knew where it was (but not the over-priced stuffy place we usually go).  We were the only customers.  Pretty shocking for a rainy Monday afternoon.  Ha.  Anyhow, really nice older guy was mildly surprised we wanted to cut down our own, but set us up and told us where to go (even though we didn’t listen.)  And for the first time in the history of sunshine household tree picking, we did it in under 15 minutes and without arguments.  LLOster and I cut the sweet thing down our very own selves and it’s even only a little bit dead. She was in charge of the cart with the tree and that was that. 

While we were waiting for the man to finish talking to the other customers who’d arrived while we were out, LLO and I explored the barn.  Really cool barn full of antique stuff. Gas pumps, wringer washer, one of those cash registers with the keys you have push down on hard.  Not sure why I didn’t take any photos, but I didn’t.  Then she started asking questions, like she does.  The guy told us about the barn.  One part of the barn was 200 years old.  The addition on the barn was 100 years old.  How cool is that.  Then LLO asked about the enormous pine cones that she’d seen in a basket, wanting to buy one.  He let her pick one out.  He insisted.  Also told her what kind of tree it came from- sugar pine.  Big pine cone. Ginormous.

Anyhow.  Have tree, dirty knees, wet shoes, and pine needles in my hair.  But my girl reminded me just how awesome her sauce is.  Also she gave me an idea for a great gift for her.  She just started basketball at her school which she loved.  The elementary school with basketball hoops is just a block away.

2. The second item.
Got a phone call from friend/coworker.  We’re going out to dinner with other peops from work.  Earlier we’d made plans to walk together.  The restaurant is a block from my house.  She called to see if I was still ok with walking.. in the rain.  Um. yea.  It’s a block from my house and there’s no parking.  And my knees are still wet.  I’m ok with walking. 

Update:  went out with people to a festive occasion and had fun.  Shocking. 

3. The third item.
I’ve gotten a series of emails from those nasty woman’s club people.  Who, admittedly, aren’t quite so irritating now and were kind enough to change our potluck to a later time so I can come.  I was surprised, actually.  But anyhow.  Some people are obsessing.  My philosophy on potlucks- it all works out, just bring what you want.  But, no.  We’re apparently going to spend this entire week doing bulk emails about what people are bringing.  Hence the artichoke pimento molded salad.  Which, frankly, is enough to make me wanna hurl.  I don’t know what I’m going to take, but it won’t be molded anything.  Golly. Now I want to know what I’m making.

4. The fourth item which is really the first item. 
My tree is gorgeous.    Naked, but gorgeous.

Sure. I can put up a picture of me when I was little and cute.  (Thanks for asking.)
Judging by the front teeth, I’d say this was somewhere around 8 or 7.  Didn’t ask my mom.

I posted this one before. My mom sure liked red for photos.

Yup, it’s my birthday.  I’m celebrating either 29 or 39 again. Haven’t decided. 
In any case, it’s a great day in the land of sunshine. 

I did less traveling last night (in dreamland).  Which is good. I suppose.

Instead I spent the evening in a parking garage.  Yes, indeed.  First I was walking around a lot, because who doesn’t walk up all the ramps in a parking garage.  At one point, I was in the top bunk. Sitting. Don’t know why.  Then I waited in line.  We were waiting in line to teach Sunday School.  Lots of us.  You have know idea how many people are desperate to teach Sunday School in my subconscious.  It’s the in thing.  And then I bought a sandwich for a little girl in my class and I didn’t have enough money because two sandwiches were over $40 (must have been at the Smithsonian.) 

Then I had another dream.  I was looking for my middle school (I have no idea why I was looking for that.) There was obnoxious construction at the bottom of the hill and I was scared of all the trucks and traffic.  I couldn’t find the right street to turn on and overshot the road.  Drove into an area of town that I apparently believe is a slum now.  Then I finally found my middle school. I must have walked in.  And it was this huge mall thing.  All blue and shiny.  And connected to a medical center. Everything in the mall was somehow related to the hospital.  I almost bought a life-time supply of it’s a boy and it’s a girl wrapping paper.  And I just kept walking around.  Until I woke up, I guess.

My dreams this week are so entertaining.  Makes up for the fact that I’ve lost all brain power.

Tonight is my last class.  I’m looking forward to the flip side of 9pm.  I wish that I didn’t have to make up for being quiet all semester before then. (I arranged it so that everything I had to do for class is due today.  Hooray for planning ahead.)

Also, 6 year olds are very bad at keeping secrets.  I will punish them by making cookies. 

I had a song in my head all yesterday afternoon (because a friend put it there without any lyrics whatsoever and didn’t know what song it was. I told her when I remembered, I would call her up and it’d probably be in the middle of the night.) As soon as I got home to do something about it, it got replaced by Santana.  Sigh.  Good thing I like Santana too.